I've Cheated

Have you ever started out a book and found yourself drifting after a set number of pages? We've all been there. Sometime the last 100 pages in a book really change your perspective 'Hey , that wasn't so bad'. Then you rate it 3 on 5 stars on Goodreads. A happy medium. Readable , endurable but just once.

I did hit a wall this time. It was Vikram Seth's A Suitable Boy. Yup. I cheated on a suitable boy. (pun intended). Okay . Jokes apart. This book one of the finest works in Indian Literature. Critics have loved , my friends have stated this as one of their favourite books ever. (Even tagged it on their Top Ten Books list that was circulating social media). However , I am just 700 pages deep into it and I have put it down. For now ( promise!).

I have never done this before. Yes,  I have loitered around my fair share of terrible books and still have managed to finish them in all fairness but this I felt was taking too long to reach the intensity to which it would have been a sure-fire page-turner for me.

This book is massive. 1399 pages. One of the longest works published in one volume in English. Do not mistake me, Seth is commendable poet and writer. I remember being thoroughly delighted whenever we would start learning his poems in school.  Yet I struggle.

I don't intend to pinpoint here , more to show an example. There are times when book bloggers , booktubers and even literary enthusiast have wanted to jump to the core of the book. There are time when even reading it beyond 10 pages seems like such a task. In order to avoid any bias , we dive into it regardless. Largely and sometimes even pretentiously , I have managed to  muster up all the enthusiasm I could find and decide to go on with it.

Most people would say this is completely normal and understandable. Some would say 'what's the big deal?'. I can't help but feel like I am cheating myself and the author.

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Book Review : Making Faces by Amy Harmon

Pages :  405

Read on : Kindle

Goodreads Rating : 4.46/5

               

Review: Everyone loves an underdog. I personally love it when I expect a book to be sloppy but ends up really impacting me. This was one of them. Just like Perks of Being a Wallflower , If I Stay , Letters to the Dead etc there are ample YA coming-of-age novels that have tried to twist and turn around the same or similar plot lines. As mentioned earlier on my blog , not all of them manage to successfully deliver.

I probably have digressed when I say this book , on reading the synopsis ,is not similar in story but there may be likeness on the plot front. 

The story is set in a small town from where five young men go to war and only one returns completely distort and damaged.

Ambrose Young was beautiful , strong , handsome , enough to make any girl swoon. Fern Taylor was right the opposite and has been secretly in love with him ever since she was ten. She tries her best to reach out to a ruined Ambrose knowing that his beauty is more than skin deep. The prime focus of the story is loss. Collective loss , loss of faith , loss of beauty , loss of love , loss in every explorable way possible. The reason why I put it in the league of coming-of-age novel is because it also about acceptance of difference and oneself. 

I devoured this book , all of it's 400-something pages, just in one day. 

Fair warning. This is not a happy book. I was one of those believers who thought fiction can't make me cry. Boy! Was I wrong! All the emotions and agitation felt by Ambrose and the town people is true to life. Amy Harmon's writing is simple yet powerful enough to hit nerves. Not to be confused , this book is not just a teary read. It does have it's light-hearted ,lovable moments along with it's fair share of grown up issues. I got into this book knowing and also assuming it to be just another Young Adult. After endearing this heart-tugging affair , I reconsidered  this to be more of an adult book ( May be because subconsciously I knowing YA is not always taken seriously). Considering that a book is deemed 'Adult' for high sexual content or for the age of the characters , It would be foolish to assume this book won't give you the feels if you were well above the YA age bar.

All of Amy Harmon's books are well rated and loved on Goodreads. Barring one or two , the rest of her works are rated well above a 4 with Making Face being the highest. Majority of Goodreads reviewers have rated this a 5 stars. However, I took one down for what you may think as stupid reasons - The book title and book cover. Sometimes you can''t help but judge a book by a cover. This reflects more as a romance novel at first glance. Very little in the book is connected to the title, nonetheless , I can see the deeper meaning behind it. The black and white cover does salvage it to some extent.

 Another one that I would read ,re-read and savour in the years to come.

Final Rating : 4/5

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Alone

Have you ever felt alone as a woman? No I'm not talking about the missing piece or emptiness. Alone from feeling unsupported. Despite facing scores of issues by yourself. Overcoming them makes you feel strong , independent. makes you brave and proud of yourself.
What happens when you have been this way every single day of your life? What if one day I just want to be myself. I don't want to strong. I don't want to be brave and put up a front.

You don't have to be hit or named called to feel abused. The countless eyeballs that gawk at you with the most deprave smirks on their faces. You know this situation. You've been there ever since you were 12. Then why despite all those years of experience you shudder. Paranoia clouds your mind. You do the whole cycle again. Pretend, ignore and keep walking.

Then why last night when I was already programmed to go through this same cycle , tears swarmed my eyes?

On several occasions I have been accompanied by my father. It hurts even when he tells me 'ignore them'. What can you do except ignore? Till how long can you ignore?

I'm waiting for a friend. I'm alone. I light a cigarette to kill time. Bad idea. People are staring at me even more with judgments running in their eyes. I give them a reason to stare. Or did I?
I feel darkness surround me. I'm alone. Well , not really. Someone is following me. There are people around but still I am followed. I'm praying hard my friend shows up any minute now.

Some days I think fuck society and it's norms. I will do as I like. I dye my hair colours of the rainbow. I get stared at. It's just hair, nothing provocative! My eyeliner gets darker and thicker. I still get stared at. It's just kohl! What's the big deal! I wore kurtas and salwar kameez  everyday. I got stared at the same. Nothing changed.

It makes me want to scream. In fact , this one time I did scream. I was followed again. For 3 days by a strange car. Day in and day out, where ever I went. I was followed so closely that I could feel my heart pounding in my ears.

Helpless. Ignoring them is as good as encouragement. Fighting it means pushing myself into deeper trouble.

In the sea of ' ignore them ' chants I feel alone. What I want to feel is a safe alone, a comfortable alone, a Utopian alone where I am enveloped by an invisibility guard or safety net so I can be alone as I like.  Alone , so that my boyfriend if he was running late didn't have to worry if I was okay for those 10 minutes that he missed. Alone, so that my mother doesn't have to think much about her sister who is waiting for her driver. Alone , so that my little nieces go to madrasa or school or tuitions walking by themselves.

Hope is slowly slipping from me.

I want to be alone

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Book Review: Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

Pages :  560

Read on : Kindle

Goodreads Rating : 3.94/5

Review: I hate hype. Such a damper. Before you conclude that this blog has and probably will bash more books than praise , please hear me out. 

No surprise that this book has been around for a while and has managed to be the most voted in the Goodreads Choice Awards in 2012. Majority of the people who I know have read this loved the creep factor. Unfortunately it failed to scare me.

Don't get me wrong , I love a good psychological thriller , especially if it's Hitchcock-esque. I got excited. Inquisitive me went through this book without reading a single review or comment terrified of spoiler contents. I guess now I can say it wouldn't have made a difference. I found it way too predictable. I sat there clutching this book hoping a brain-exploding thriller with a reasons so complex and deep rooted that it would horrify me. ( Well , to some extent it did )

Part One of the book was slow. Stagnant if I should say but I know that's only to build momentum in the pages to come. So I knew I had to keep going. May be it's due to the fact that me and several other Goodreads reviewers have read ample thrillers, mysteries , Stephen King , Mary Higgins Clark , *Insert favourite mystery author here* , that the clues left in Part One itself were way too stark to ignore.

Part Two gets to the point and really picks up pace. This part I have to say kept me going. I was dying to get to the end and to some extent I can say it wasn't all that disappointing. It did have some favourable twists and turns.

What really bothered and disturbed me aside from the rather crass language  and profanity , was the misogynistic tone in the book. I get it. That was probably required in the story but the feminist in me couldn't ignore the chorus of 'Women are crazy!' statuses and comments that erupted on social media soon after the movie trailer was released. This book is one case. One example. It does not apply to each and every woman out there.

The only way I can see this book is as a dark comedy not really a thriller despite the unexpected end that does mimic a Hitchcock style screenplay but on the whole this book left a bad after-taste. It baffled me. I didn't love it. I didn't hate it either. I did enjoy the mind games. That's about it. Nothing more nothing less. I do certainly agree with a lot of Goodread reviewers that this book was long. Unnecessarily long for the kind of plot this is. It drags more than actually tell whats happening next or what the changes in the scenario are.

Would I recommend this book to everyone? May be just to see what they thought once they were done with it. 

Final Rating : 3/5

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Book Review : Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami

Pages :  296

Read on : Kindle

Goodreads Rating : 4.02/5

Review: This is my first time reading Murakami. May be I hadn't done my research well but  from the way people talked about Norwegian Wood  and Kafka on Shore I expected something thunderous. Not that this wasn't. 

Everyone loves a good coming-of-age story but not every novel leaves a lasting impression. Perks of Being a Wallflower ( both film and movie ) were successful in my eyes, Norwegian Wood may not be as heartwarming as that.

There's no real plot as such. Just the story of university student , Toru Watanabe  and his dilemmas regarding love , life , depression , sexuality and death. The Goodreads synopsis claims Toru to be preternatural. I would say Toru isn't common , nor is he in anyway special. He's more impulsive in his actions , mainly done to fill in voids that incidents in life has left him with in such an early age.  The way he reacts and deals with situations I would classify as normal. The hopelessness and helplessness of the labyrinth is identifiable. 

Strangely I found myself caring more about the supporting characters than Toru himself. Midori and Hatsumi being my favourite. Most people have pointed out the annoyance of all the characters being self-engaged and constantly talking about their past. A refreshing change from the usual ' I don't know where we stand'  talks. Not all relationships have or need to have a name . Some great relationships become dormant and fade over time and good people end up getting hurt. 

I can't really help describe this book without mentioning the feelings and moods it invoked in me. At first it did start slow like all contemporary novels and then the whirlwind of emotions hits you and then you feel the stagnation of being in a trough. Toru , to me  was like snowfall, quiet but irregular.  Noako was the dampness that followed, Midori was wind on a pleasant day , Reiko was hot green tea.  The book reminded me of sunset, twilight after it had rained all afternoon. It makes you feel warm inside yet gloomy at the same time. It breaks your heart yet makes you feel alive. I guess that is the real reason why just like everyone else I too am a fan.

Now If I haven't contradicted myself enough , I will go ahead and contradict myself more. This book is not for everyone. Despite it selling millions of copies worldwide and rivaling J.K Rowling's new books themselves , I would still feel there is a niche audience that would really love this book. There are several stages in the book that have lead to puzzlement and impending loneliness.  The dark cloud that looms overhead will not go away from a long time and  a gust of wind will not avert it either. Also , I feel I have to mention this , a lot of adult content will be found in this book. In fact , sex , and by that I don't mean passionate love making but sex is a huge partake in the story.

Next ,I'm going to give the movie a chance and watch the characters come to life :)

Final Rating : 4/5

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Crimson Venom

Artist : Sung Jin Kim

She walks down the street all by herself , lost in thought . The sun gleams overhead . She barely notices it and keeps walking . Everyone around her looks at her. It was hard not. She wasn't meant to be lost in the crowd. She always shone, she was born to standout.
She doesn't know this. She doesn't know how her presence itself meant she wasn't ordinary. Beauty lies in modesty. She never thought of herself as pretty yet everyone called her beautiful.
Faces pass her everyday. Some take a fleeting glimpse at her. Some would try to hold her gaze and look into to her soul. Well , they tried. She would let them, let them look into her face , into her hazel eyes. They couldn't resist touching her face. They would reach out for her , touch her skin tenderly, with gentle fingertips they'd caress her cheeks , her chin , her neck , down her back then stop at her waist. They pull her close and steal kisses from her lips.
They can't stop . They want more , hungrily trying to devour her like crumbling a rose in their fists. She can't give in. It feels unnatural, plastic. But they can't stop now. They don't realize that they're getting poisoned. Poisoned by crimson lips, one that makes you crave it more. This venom cannot be purged out of their skin even if they wanted to. Oh but it tastes so sweet , you can't stop yourself from drinking it.
She pushes them away , cuts off supply. Still in their light-headed haze they reach out for her. They want her. They don't know she's not anyone's to keep. She belongs to no one but herself.
She looks up at them with her hazel eyes. , presses a finger to their lips.
They melt.
She walks away. Back into the crowd.

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